Archive for March, 2011

Pity da foo!

March 10th, 2011

I am so bored right now. >:(

I’ll try to type something worthwhile, though I make no guarantees.

Ok, so today we had a riddle to solve that went like this: An immigrant named Stan Lee came to America and knew only two words of English, but that didn’t stop him from making a fortune. My table group was desperate for an answer so we gave up and said this: ” Stan Lee was Mr. T and his two words were, ‘Pity da fool’  ” Our logic being that “da” was not a word, we were sure we’d at least get a good laugh.

Well, hope that was worth something. In the mean time, bye!x :)


March 10th, 2011

Yo! I A long time ago my teacher said there would be a contest in our class to see who could write the best story. Your story had to be about Thanksgiving from a turkey’s point of view. My best friends story won, as well as mine. We’re not here to talk about her though, so lets move on. :)

My story was a parody of Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I have a few disclaimers here: 1) I only had a few hours to throw this together, so no comments on quality. 2) No flaming.


Scariest Time of the Year

By, Risa Gilmore # 12

Room 802/ Oahu

August 15, 1955

Dear Journal,

Mom is making me keep a dumb journal to record my, “feelings” in. I think this is just a record of my awkward years, and those are some years I’ll be pretty willing to forget.

Anyway, August is my favorite month because my sisters are always out to do “preening” or whatever. It’s something about grooming, which makes no sense to me because mating season is over. That means an entire month of all four sisters gone away to get their feathers picked off and fattened up for winter, assuming they live past Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is a highly tabooed subject, so on the risk of getting beaten up, I’m going to drop it.

It really is too bad that August is coming to a close, because that means Prunella (Prune-smella), Maggie ( Fatty), Antoinette ( Ants-oink-fat), and Franny ( Fanny) are coming back home soon.

August 17, 1955

Dear Journal,

I’ve had a lot of time to think lately since my best friend Fred ( Short for Fredrick) is sick, and for some reason, I Thought about one thing: how awful some of my sister’s nicknames were. Some of them were pretty funny and quite accurate, like Prunella’s nickname “Prune-smella” because she always smells like prunes, and Franny’s nickname name “ Fanny” because… well….. it just suited her. But I honestly feel bad about Antoinette nickname, “ Ants-oink-fat” because Antoinette is actually a couple pounds underweight and she wasn’t that bad to be around. It was just depressing to look at her because no matter how hard she tried not to be, she was depressing to look at. And Maggie’s nickname “ Fatty” was terrible, but me and Fred couldn’t come up with better. I told Fred that I was open to suggestions when I visited him earlier, but he just grunted.

Now that I think about it, Freddy didn’t look very sick when I visited him. I know this probably makes me sound like a jerk, but he better have been as sick as he said he is or else I waisted two hours sitting at his sick bed watching him play Tiddly-Winks.

August 21, 1955

Dear Journal,

You know, I’d be willing to bet corn that humans think it’s easy to be a turkey. Well, if any humans that happen to know Turkish and read this journal come along, I’ll tell you, it’s NOT. You have to be real fat and eat a lot so that the farmers don’t “ send you to a corn farm on the country” but you can’t be to fat or you won’t catch a mate. From what I hear, it’s a lot easier if you’re human. Just smile and look skinny.

Now that I think about it, Antoinette isn’t looking to good right now. She used to be just fine, a little skinny looking, but fine. Now she’s getting even MORE underweight, if that’s even possible, and I’m starting to worry about her. I don’t think I could take it if the only un-annoying sister in the entire universe died because of her weight.

October 1, 1955

Dear Journal,

October has aways been a rather nerve-racking month, but the worst is yet to come. I just hope we don’t get measurements like last year, because that was HORRIBLE.

Anyways, I’m, starting to wonder about Fredrick’s mom. I admit Fredrick was a little sick in the beginning, I mean, I was the one who TOLD Mrs. Goldberg ( Fred’s mom)that Fred was sick, and after two days, I could tell he was perfectly fine, but his mom still wouldn’t let him out of bed. It took her another 15 days to realise he wasn’t sick, and I’m not exaggerating.

Fred seemed pretty mad when I aksed him if he was actually sick, and I was mad that he was mad that I suspected him of not being sick in the first place! Honestly! It was a tiny little fever and he missed nearly an entire month of school!

You know, I’ll admit I was a LITTLE jealous of Fred, now that I think about it, he;s nothing to be envious of. He has two and 1/7 weeks worth of homewrok waiting for him, and I guess I can’t blame hime for beeing mad either.

October 9, 1955

Dear Journal,

Mom got cranky at me for not writting in a while, and was accusing me of, “ dismissing her present,” and “not being grateful for all the hard work she went through to find a book,” In truth, I am grateful for mom finding me this book. I have no idea how hard it is to find a notebook is a turkey farm, nor do I intend to find out anytime soon. The thing is there really isn’t much to write and no time to write it.

Anway…. I….. I had extra corn today because Antoinette didn’t want hers.

Now, don’t go thinking I’m an awful big brother. I only excepted her corn because she already ate half, which is really good. That means she’s eating more.

October 10, 1955

Dear Journal,

The farmers adopted another human. She just arrived today.

Apparently some humans have this condition where they can’t reproduce, so they adopt kids who don’t have parents. I think this is a wonderful thing to some extent, but that has nothing to do with this.

Anyway, the only reason I knew this is because the farmers were giving “ Ron Mau” a tour around the farm. When she saw Antoinette sitting in the corner, I guess they just bonded right there and became best friends. An inter-species friendship. Interesting. I heard they have this type of thing with dogs.

Anyway, Ron Mau had a book with her, and apparently she could read human languages, because she sat right down next to Antoinette and began reading her “ Artemis Poultry” or something like that. Anyway, I assume from the cover it had to do with the Greek goddess Artemis and the poultry section of a grocery store. Not that I know what that is. And based on the name, I don’t think I want to know.

October 18, 1955

Dear Journal,

Ron Mau has been visiting Antoinette ever since she first began reading to her, and I don’t think either of them mind. Ron Mau finished Artemis Poultry and is now reading Artemis Poultry: The Arctic Expedition. Not to sound like an eves dropper, but I understand human language pretty well, and Artemis Poultry was pretty interesting. I planned on…. joining their conversations again to hear the second book, but mom says I need to help Prune-smella with her study of human language. I told mom that if she ( Prune-smella) wanted me to do her favors, she shouldn’t be such a jerk to me in the first place. Then mom said that the “favor” was for her, and she got me there. I hate to admit it, but I owe mom A LOT. So that means I’m going to spend an entire week with Prune-smella trying to teach her the ridiculous concept of classifying vowels from consonants from vowels and how many syllables were in “ smell”. Since Ron Mau reads about two chapters a day, I’m going to miss 14 chapters, and probably the entire book. And I have a feeling that something pretty important is going to happen to Polly Little- Holly Short.

October 21, 1955

Dear Journal,

I can’t take this. September is closing in on me and Prune-smella hasn’t been helping. Freddy’s starting to get anxious and Ron Mau seems to be reading more chapters than usual, so my chances of catching the last few chapters are ruined. At least there’s probably more than two books.

Mom is starting to see my frustration, and I think she really wants to help, at least a little. But Mom hasn’t been taught syllables or alphabetical ordering, our knew lesson in human langauge. I think we should have started human langauge class earlier, because I’m in middle school and I think I should’ve moved on by now.

The good news is Antoinette seems to be eating more, and she always eats these snacks that Ron Mau brings her. Since she doesn’t finish the snacks, she gives them to me, but I’ll forgive her for now. Besides, one riceball a day keeps the doctor away… or something like that anyway.

September 2, 1955

Dear Journal,

Everyone is starting to freak out. Thanksgiving is coming closer and closer and nobody is sure who is gonna be picked. Everyone has been eating less, even Antoinette, which is starting to diminish her progress. And she seemed so much healthier, too.

To make things even more stressful, we have measurements more often. It used to be once every other week, but now it’s three times a week, like they want to see every centimeter of fat we gain. I think that’s creepy, even for human standards.

Anyway, my sentence is over, meaning I don’t have to help Prunella anymore, and I got to here the last chapter of Ron Mau’s story. Didn’t make much sense, but at least I didn’t miss the whole story.

I just hope that this paying back debts thing doesn’t become a regular occurence, because I can’t stand singing the “Because Song” anymore.

November 10, 1955

Dear Journal,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. Thanksgiving is fifteen days away, and I’ve been petrified ever since this dang month started. All I can say is I hope Thanksgiving ends soon, because I REALLY want to be able to eat more than a wing-ful of corn a day.

November 15, 1955

Dear Journal,

I can’t take it. Antoinette has been taken from the coup yesterday to “ play with Ron Mau by the creek” but she hasn’t been back since. I wish I didn’t have such a wild imagination, because I’m starting to imagine what her death was like, and I have to say, it was disturbingly realistic. Shudder.

November 17, 1955

Dear Journal,

Antoinette returned! Everyone at the coop was celebrating when she got back, even after she said what happened.

See, everyone thought she was killed or something, but it turns out Ron Mau really did want to play with her at the creek. After that she stayed at Ron Mau’s house. Ron mau’s parents were thinking of “ sending her away” but good old Ronny M. convinced them to let her live.

I guess Antoinette was always that kind of girl. Modest and quiet. If something lime that happened to me, I would exaggerate and make the story as exciting as possible. After all, you don’t become a war hero by saying a human took you to play by the creek.

November 20, 1955

Dear Journal,

Five days till Thanksgiving. Everyone is terrified. No one slept, and everyone was so scared they cancelled school until Thanksgiving was over. When they cancel school, you know something’s gonna go down.

November 24, 1955

Dear Journal,

Tommorow is Thanksgiving, and I really can’t take this stress. Remember last entry when I said, “ if they cancelled school, you know something’s gonna go down,”? Well forget what I said. If Prune-smella shuts up and sits down, you know something’s gonna go down.

Ron Mau came again and Antoinette was the only person who left the coop. Then again, Antoinette was the only turkey here who’s safety was guaranteed. I was severly tempted to go out and listen, but I’m to afraid to. Plus, it really would look like I was eves dropping. I sat as close to the window as possible and listened as hard as I could, but I could only here a few words every now and then. And let me tell you, “And…. Spiro…. Come in, Holly……. CAPTAIN SHORT!!!!….. we pour….in you department…. make mudboys go to the toilet?…..” does not make a very exciting story.

November 25, 1955

Dear Journal,

NOBODY WAS KILLED! EVERYONE IS STILL HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously! Apparently human trends have changed, and it went from Thanksgiving Turkeys to Thanksgiving hams and chicken. As unlikely as that sounds, it’s true! I’m saved!…. for now. But at the very least, everyone’s alive. Prune-smella is too, but I’m willing to put up with her if it means I get to live….. Until next year.

The End….. Or is it? >:)

Comments people! ( But not to rude, ‘kay?)

Terribly sorry…

March 8th, 2011

Terribly sorry to all who have read my blog and been waiting for a new post: I have lost my password, embarrassing as that sounds. Just pity me for the 825 comments I have to sort through. ( I guarantee 75% will be spam.  ):<  )  I also have 1125 e-mails, about 84% of which are spam. I have stuff to do, so I’ll post something later. Bye! :)